Things I love about today, which happens to be a Friday:
Sitting around the table with the people I work with, talking about what we do, what the company's values are, what's next. The big picture.
Listening to my bosses talk about this company they have poured passion, heart, soul, sweat and innumerable hours into was so inspiring.
Loved that.
Also loved that we ate and drank together, shared stories, laughed and got to enjoy each other's company. So happy to be part of a committed, diverse, fun, smart group of people.
And then after work, I met my amazing friend Sue for dinner, wine and great conversation, so good to share my life with her.
So today, Friday, is totes lovely - and tomorrow I will be in the same room as Grand Designs guru Kevin - OMG! Love that!!!!!
A x
Friday 21 September 2012
Tuesday 18 September 2012
The long and winding road.....
Ever found yourself divulging more than you expected? Yep, me too.
Tears, again. At work, again. Audible groan (yours, and mine), oh not again..... thankfully I have a lovely boss who copes well with my inarticulate stumblings about whatever 'moment' I'm having. (In my own defence, I had no clue that point A would lead to point 'overshare' today. Truly.)
Something is definitely going on with me... and I can't work it out.
As I attempted to talk and write my way through what's going on, I've stumbled upon a new phrase, 'believer gene'. I think I have this gene and it's a bit lost and confused lately.
I used to believe passionately, to the death, in God (in the shape of a social activist UC model, followed by a fiery Pentecostal season, followed by a stint as a mega-church going pseudo Baptist, followed by a season in Bible College, which sadly is often the final chapter in such stories).
I ardently followed that path for years, and it was in many ways, very, very good and healing and powerful for me. There is no denying that my time in that world shaped me, and I am deeply grateful for that. Being a believer gave me a sense of belonging, purpose, and acceptance. Powerful, necessary forces in life, especially for a wounded soul.
So, fast forward to 2012 and though I can't fully articulate it in a blog post (or at all), let's just say I'm not ardent anymore, except againt some of the excesses that I believe were encouraged, expected and even demanded of me as a good soldier of the cross. (Yes, I'm overstating and being simplistic, but it's my blog, feel free to stop reading at any time.)
So what do people who don't have what I would perhaps condescendingly call 'a belief system' live for... their families, partners, children, their contributions to bettering the world (many of which far exceed those who are the 'salt of the earth').... again I don't know. I'm sure there are some who don't think like this at all, they just get up everyday and get on with it. What a luxury/curse that would be!
And what does a post-christian (I'm sure that term exists in postmodernist christian hipster literature) do to shape the way they live? Dunno. It's a curly one, that's for sure, especially with a 'believer gene' looking for a new place to... nope, I don't have enough scientific language to finish that metaphor.. you know, do whatever genes do.
I don't have answers, but I do have questions, and tears, aplenty lately. And if I put myself in the apre 'belief system' camp (in a religious sense), which I feel kind of duty bound to do as someone who 'was but is no longer ' (see what I did there with a bit of a play on the dynamics of the kingdom of God?) then how shall I live?
Tears break: I just got a text from someone I work with - they noticed I was quiet today and decided to check in. I believe in THAT! I believe in kindness and being mindful of those around us and being part of a team.
Anyway, no answers will be forthcoming in this post - sorry to disappoint on that front. I just felt like committing some of these thoughts to the keyboard tonight, in the hope that I'll somehow feel less lonely in the endeavour... as I contemplate what I think, believe and feel, I hope to share the journey with compassionate souls who will perhaps see a little of our shared humanity in these ramblings.
What I do know is that it isn't over yet, and I have hope that it can be better, and less dehydrating than it was today!
Be kind to each other, and yourselves : )
*all thoughts herein are unfinished and the sole responsibility of the author
Tears, again. At work, again. Audible groan (yours, and mine), oh not again..... thankfully I have a lovely boss who copes well with my inarticulate stumblings about whatever 'moment' I'm having. (In my own defence, I had no clue that point A would lead to point 'overshare' today. Truly.)
Something is definitely going on with me... and I can't work it out.
As I attempted to talk and write my way through what's going on, I've stumbled upon a new phrase, 'believer gene'. I think I have this gene and it's a bit lost and confused lately.
I used to believe passionately, to the death, in God (in the shape of a social activist UC model, followed by a fiery Pentecostal season, followed by a stint as a mega-church going pseudo Baptist, followed by a season in Bible College, which sadly is often the final chapter in such stories).
I ardently followed that path for years, and it was in many ways, very, very good and healing and powerful for me. There is no denying that my time in that world shaped me, and I am deeply grateful for that. Being a believer gave me a sense of belonging, purpose, and acceptance. Powerful, necessary forces in life, especially for a wounded soul.
So, fast forward to 2012 and though I can't fully articulate it in a blog post (or at all), let's just say I'm not ardent anymore, except againt some of the excesses that I believe were encouraged, expected and even demanded of me as a good soldier of the cross. (Yes, I'm overstating and being simplistic, but it's my blog, feel free to stop reading at any time.)
So what do people who don't have what I would perhaps condescendingly call 'a belief system' live for... their families, partners, children, their contributions to bettering the world (many of which far exceed those who are the 'salt of the earth').... again I don't know. I'm sure there are some who don't think like this at all, they just get up everyday and get on with it. What a luxury/curse that would be!
And what does a post-christian (I'm sure that term exists in postmodernist christian hipster literature) do to shape the way they live? Dunno. It's a curly one, that's for sure, especially with a 'believer gene' looking for a new place to... nope, I don't have enough scientific language to finish that metaphor.. you know, do whatever genes do.
I don't have answers, but I do have questions, and tears, aplenty lately. And if I put myself in the apre 'belief system' camp (in a religious sense), which I feel kind of duty bound to do as someone who 'was but is no longer ' (see what I did there with a bit of a play on the dynamics of the kingdom of God?) then how shall I live?
Tears break: I just got a text from someone I work with - they noticed I was quiet today and decided to check in. I believe in THAT! I believe in kindness and being mindful of those around us and being part of a team.
Anyway, no answers will be forthcoming in this post - sorry to disappoint on that front. I just felt like committing some of these thoughts to the keyboard tonight, in the hope that I'll somehow feel less lonely in the endeavour... as I contemplate what I think, believe and feel, I hope to share the journey with compassionate souls who will perhaps see a little of our shared humanity in these ramblings.
What I do know is that it isn't over yet, and I have hope that it can be better, and less dehydrating than it was today!
Be kind to each other, and yourselves : )
*all thoughts herein are unfinished and the sole responsibility of the author
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